It Takes a Village to Have a Conversation 

(or The Difference Between Alzheimer’s and Normal Aging)

By Carolyn Stegman

Ranging in age from 60 to 75, five long-time friends were having a delightful conversation around the dinner table.  There was reminiscing, laughter, and an abundant amount of finishing each other’s sentences.

Said one, “Remember that movie we saw last month, what was the name of it?”

“The King’s Speech,” said another.  “Yeah, Colin what’s-his-name won the Oscar.”

“Firth,” said yet another.  “But I also liked George Rush.  He should have won also.”

“That’s Geoffrey, not George.”

“Imagine that King abdicating the throne for a woman from, from…..”

“Baltimore.  Wallace Samsom.”

“No Simpson. Thrice married, I understand.  The one that said, ‘You can never be too thin and something else.”

“Too rich.”

Finally one who had been listening intently chimed in.  “I wonder if we are all developing Alzheimer’s Disease.”

“No, we just have Half-Heimer’s.”  Everybody laughed.

In case you are wondering, this conversation represented normal signs of aging.  Yes, there is a big difference between normal aging and Alzheimer’s.  Older adults aging normally might forget part of an experience, will usually remember later, can follow written or spoken instructions, use notes, and care for themselves.  In Alzheimer’s they forget the whole experience, rarely remember later, are gradually unable to follow directions or use notes, and become unable to care for themselves.  Simply put, a person aging normally may forget (or delay in their remembering) some of the details of their last vacation; with Alzheimer’s they will forget the whole vacation.

Hillary Clinton once wrote a book entitled, It Takes a Village to Raise a Child.  With older adults, the village helps them remember detail.  In the above conversation, everybody would have eventually remembered (perhaps at three in the morning) what they could not recall on the spot.  Yes, it is frustrating.  By 50, our brains have accumulated a lifetime of knowledge, and it takes longer to navigate our vast memory bank. Quite literally, we do not synapse as fast. 

Mature adults learn slower and have to work harder at it.  But, before you get depressed, remember this…Lifetimes create wisdom.  Accumulated learning is priceless, and once we get it, we really get it!

Back to the dinner conversation:  “I am glad to have friends like you all,” said one.  “We have come a long way together, and you have made the journey, um, let’s say special.  By the way, remember what Bette Davis used to say, ‘Aging ain’t for, for, what was that….’”

“Sissies!”  everybody shouted at once.